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Officer Cornelius “Trigger Happy” McGillicuddy’s traumatic alien abduction experience has resulted in what department psychologists describe as “aggressive overcompensation syndrome” during alien hormone lab raids, leading to property damage that even The Town Narcissist called “excessive.”McGillicuddy, abducted three years ago while investigating reports of suspicious lights near The Forgotten Lovers’ hills, returned after seventy-two hours […]

BlakeVille Police Chief Barney Bumblethwaite found himself in hot water this week after admitting to “sampling” confiscated alien hormones during routine drug lab raids, claiming it was necessary for “proper evidence classification and quality control purposes.”The scandal broke when Officer Jimmy “The Gimp” Patterson was found floating upside-down in the police station break room, speaking […]

In a rare exclusive interview, Chuck “Probe Master” Henderson, operator of BlakeVille’s most successful alien hormone extraction facility, invited me into his converted double-wide trailer laboratory nestled deep in the ethereal hills where The Forgotten Lovers usually disappear.”Look, Blake,” Henderson said, adjusting his tinfoil-lined lab coat while a captured grey alien gurgled complaints in the […]

“Tentacle Tuesdays” and “Probe Fridays” – Inside BlakeVille’s Booming Alien Hormone TradeWhat started as a cottage industry in BlakeVille’s trailer parks has exploded into a full-scale alien hormone extraction empire that would make even the most ambitious pharmaceutical company envious – if they could figure out how to get to BlakeVille in the first place.The […]

The alien hormone drug epidemic sweeping BlakeVille has reached new heights of absurdity, with users of the extracted extraterrestrial substances reporting increasingly bizarre side effects that would make even The Town Demon jealous.Local authorities discovered that the hormone extraction process involves capturing aliens during routine cow abductions and harvesting their unique endocrine secretions through a […]

BlakeVille Police Bust Alien Drug Lab in Unprecedented Law Enforcement ActionBLAKEVILLE – In what authorities are calling the most bizarre criminal investigation in departmental history, BlakeVille police executed a midnight raid that uncovered a sophisticated alien hormone extraction facility operating within city limits.The operation, which took place on what witnesses described as “a random Monday […]