Exclusive Interview – “Business is Out of This World,” Says Local Alien Hormone Lab Operator

In a rare exclusive interview, Chuck “Probe Master” Henderson, operator of BlakeVille’s most successful alien hormone extraction facility, invited me into his converted double-wide trailer laboratory nestled deep in the ethereal hills where The Forgotten Lovers usually disappear.

“Look, Blake,” Henderson said, adjusting his tinfoil-lined lab coat while a captured grey alien gurgled complaints in the background, “this ain’t your granddaddy’s meth lab. This is cutting-edge xenobiology, baby!”

Henderson’s operation, which he calls “Cosmic Juices Unlimited,” processes approximately twelve aliens per week through what he describes as a “humane extraction process.” The aliens, captured during routine cow abduction missions, are housed in climate-controlled pods that Henderson insists are “more comfortable than The BlakeVille Hilton – at least my guests don’t have to wait twelve months for a reservation.“

“The secret is in the hormone cycling process,” Henderson explained, pointing to a complex array of tubes and machinery that looked like it was stolen from a 1950s B-movie set. “You gotta milk ’em when they’re experiencing peak existential dread – usually around 3 AM when they realize they’re stuck in BlakeVille just like the rest of us.”

When asked about the ethics of his operation, Henderson shrugged. “Hey, they’ve been probing us for decades without consent. Turnabout is fair play, right? Besides, I provide premium customer service – I even play them smooth jazz during the extraction process.”

Henderson revealed that business has been booming beyond his wildest dreams. “The Town Vampire orders a gallon every week for his midnight TV shows. Says it makes the blood taste ‘more sophisticated.’ And don’t get me started on The Town Demon – that guy goes through alien hormones like The Town Priest goes through altar boys.”

The entrepreneur admits that competition is heating up. “Every trailer park has at least three operations now. The Town Narcissist even started his own lab, but he’s too busy taking selfies with the aliens to actually extract anything useful.”

Henderson’s future plans include expanding into recreational alien hormone products. “I’m thinking alien hormone-infused beer, maybe some space juice cocktails for the BlakeVille Cinema’s concession stand. The sky’s the limit – literally.”