Officer Cornelius “Trigger Happy” McGillicuddy’s traumatic alien abduction experience has resulted in what department psychologists describe as “aggressive overcompensation syndrome” during alien hormone lab raids, leading to property damage that even The Town Narcissist called “excessive.”McGillicuddy, abducted three years ago while investigating reports of suspicious lights near The Forgotten Lovers’ hills, returned after seventy-two hours […]

BlakeVille Police Chief Barney Bumblethwaite found himself in hot water this week after admitting to “sampling” confiscated alien hormones during routine drug lab raids, claiming it was necessary for “proper evidence classification and quality control purposes.”The scandal broke when Officer Jimmy “The Gimp” Patterson was found floating upside-down in the police station break room, speaking […]

In a rare exclusive interview, Chuck “Probe Master” Henderson, operator of BlakeVille’s most successful alien hormone extraction facility, invited me into his converted double-wide trailer laboratory nestled deep in the ethereal hills where The Forgotten Lovers usually disappear.”Look, Blake,” Henderson said, adjusting his tinfoil-lined lab coat while a captured grey alien gurgled complaints in the […]

“Tentacle Tuesdays” and “Probe Fridays” – Inside BlakeVille’s Booming Alien Hormone TradeWhat started as a cottage industry in BlakeVille’s trailer parks has exploded into a full-scale alien hormone extraction empire that would make even the most ambitious pharmaceutical company envious – if they could figure out how to get to BlakeVille in the first place.The […]